So, you are living in this modern age and you have a friend who isn’t a 0 on the Kinsey Scale. Perhaps they’re enjoying the good life of a bachelor in West Hollywood, perhaps she found her one true love at Lilith Fair. Regardless, you have a person in your life who is gay and you want to buy them something for the holidays. Here’s a helpful list on what not to get them.
9. The Normal Heart on DVD
The HBO miniseries event The Normal Heart, based on the classic play of the same name, is one of the most poignant, well-made, well acted television events in recent memory. Do not give it as a gift. No, seriously, don’t do it. It might seem thoughtful, but consider this: Do anyone really want to spend the Holidays crying their eyes out, or comforting your friend as they cry theirs out? Do you really want to contemplate mortality the following week as you do your last minute gift shopping? Really? Really? Avoid the drama and just don’t do it. Also don’t give people DVDs of Schindler’s List or My Sister’s Keeper for the same reason.
8. The Obligatory Drag Gift
So your gay friend shared his thoughts on heels once upon a time, or your lesbian friend made an off-handed joke about plaid. This, surprisingly, does not mean they want to dress in a different gender’s clothes. Not only that, but think about how bad you are at buying clothes for other people. Think buyin a friend a Size 10 when they’re a “Size 7” is bad? Trying buying them not only something ill fitting but something that proves you think your friend is a stereotype.*
*If your friend is into drag, though… Still don’t. They’ll probably have better taste in clothes any way.
7. The Gay CD
Trying to make a wide blanket here at number 8, but let us be clear: Your gay friend is aware that Cher, Lady Gaga, The Indigo Girls, and Tegan & Sara are all things. They are perhaps even fans. But there are more than the handful of LGBT musicians and favorites out there and your special little friend has probably already figured their favorite out.
6. The “Gay Lingo” Gift
So you heard your friend use the word “Cub” in conversation, or perhaps “Lipstick” and not in the make-up way. Maybe they already own something that says “Twink” or “Lone Star Lesbian.” Do not, for the love of all things good, buy them a shirt announcing this the world. Two reasons: One, it’s tacky, two, they’ll know their “nouns” better than you.
5. Theater Tickets
RENT, Kinky Boots, Cabaret, The Normal Heart (hey it’s back on our list) usually theater tickets are a wonderful, thoughtful gift that show off your love of the arts. Sadly, you’re looking at this list, and the Destination Luxury scientist have concluded that if you need a list to tell you what not to buy your gay friend for the holidays, then you probably don’t know what productions they’ve seen or haven’t seen or are even worth their time. Though if you secretly really hate them, you could buy them tickets for Spiderman: Turn off the Dark.
4. Will & Grace: The Complete Series
Sitcom boxsets are wonderful, great gifts. Except for this gaudily painted bright cube. “Oh,” I hear you saying, “Because it’s probably dated and you keep brining up stereotypes.” And with that, you’re wrong. Because you know why? They already own it. Next!
3. Decorative Bowls
Interior design is one of those “shouldn’t be this hard” things. Make sure it matches, make sure it goes in the right place, make sure it flows… It shouldn’t be this hard. So why do most apartments look so jumbled together and like a Feng shui masters’ worst nightmare? Because when you run out of ideas, you start buying the decorative bowls. And those bowls have to go somewhere. Just step away from the home goods department and get to thinking a bit more personal.
2. The Sex Toy
No. No no no. No. Tacky does not begin to describe this sort of gift, and barring a White Elephant Party there is no possible social function where unwrapping one of these should get you any sort of reaction other than a swift punch to the face. Which leads us to the end of our list with…
1. Anything under the “Gay” or “Lesbian” search on Amazon
So, congrats, you have lowered your friend to one characteristic. You don’t know the movies they like, or books they’re interested in, or even their favorite type of wine. No, you just know that they aren’t heterosexual and have decided to make that the defining characteristic of your friendship. Fine. Then do everyone a solid and get a gift card. It might be the ultimate gift faux pas to give a gift card, but clearly it’s the lesser of two evils, because “Gay” under Amazon gets you get such wonderful titles as For The Frat Boy or Reunion: A Lesbian Love Story, and I’m 99% sure no one wants to find that under their Christmas tree.
What do you think is the worst gift to give a friend in the LGBT community? Let us known in the comments!